Stargirl

As most cautionary fairytales begin,
Once upon a time shone a novelty
Called stargirl.

As her name might suggest, she was a star.
Perfectly pointed and polished
radiantly, stunningly shining
Mesmerizingly twinkling in the far-off distance
And unfailingly admired by anyone
That so much as glanced up at her.

If you asked stargirl for a quote she lived by, she would say
“To shine like a star, you must burn like a star”.
And burn with the admirable ferocity of a star, she did.
Stargirl defined perfection.
Stargirl was the epitome of control.
Stargirl was the golden standard and the perfect role model.
She never let anything get the best of her-
Not even her emotions.
Some wondered if she had any.

Her commonfolk admirers way down below on the ground
couldn’t fathom how she burnt for so long
So effortlessly, so flawlessly, so painlessly.
But she was stargirl.
She was born for this.
Her heart thrummed for the prestige that stardom gave her
Her eyes stayed open only to soak in the view from her heights
The massive expanse of her commonfolk fanbase.
Her mind placated when she looked around her
Deep into outer space and saw far off nothings
illuminated solely by her glow.

Stargirl lived for the aspiration she was to others.
Nothing thrilled her like being the ideal
Or being used as a guideline back home.
Being a star was intoxicating.

In another detrimental way, so was the burning
That went behind stargirl’s unfailing allure.
You see, stargirl was, at the end of the day, a girl.
How long can a girl go on burning
Before the pain gets to her?

And sure enough, one day, she felt it.
When, inch by inch, the allure of stardom wore off
She felt herself burning.
Deep in her bones and heart and head and soul.

She felt her body and energy feeding the fire
That was becoming less and less rewarding by the second.
She had burned as fiercely as any good star did-
Too fiercely, perhaps.

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She felt her skin flake off into dust and charred rubble
Red hot, unsalvageable, scaly, ash
wisping into fumes and embers and sparks
flitting off into the unforgivingly cold, dark nothing around her.

In her heart and head and heavy, heavy arms
Where the skin had burned away completely
The fire had begun charring her bones.
It had gnawed at and eaten away all her strength
Until just the existence of her scorched limbs became torturous.

And there was the distinct smell in the air-
The kind of ash you can feel
Clogging up the back of your throat
The distinct toxicity of a soul
Burning far longer than it was capable of.

Her eyes stung from it all.
From the crying and spiraling
From searching so desperately
for any sliver of a sparkle around her
and being faced instead with the deep, dark void.
From the pitiable sight of what remained of her
Scorching remnants of her relentless need to shine
From the smoke trailing out from her own ashy, exhausted self
And, most painfully of all,
From the anxiety and emotional, physical pain
That all the shining and glowing had caused her.

She couldn’t exist without the pain racking her body.
She couldn’t breathe, see, think.
The fire had consumed too much.

Worst of all?
She was so high up
That there was no one in her vicinity
To call for help.
No one that understood her.
No one that could make her feel better.

What was it all for?
Why had she burned for so long?
And what reason did she have to keep burning?
All that pain, only to be seen as a little twinkle-
One of millions of others in the sky?
And even if she were the most adored star out there
Even if all her burning put her at the top
of some sort of social leaderboard,
Was it worth it?
Was the pain worth the momentary adoration in their eyes
Before they moved back on with their pretty little lives?

The corroded state of her said “no” loud and clear
So then stargirl posed a new question.
What next?
If a stargirl is to stop being a star, what’s left?

She worried her mind for an answer for a bit.
Then, turned to the surest alternative she could muster
And for the first time ever,
The stargirl looked to the common girl for inspiration.

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Common Girl remained planted onto the ground.
You could easily lose her in a crowd
There was no remarkable halo to her
Common Girl was everything stargirl loathed to be-
Except for one thing.

Common Girl wasn’t a star.
Therefore, Common Girl did not burn.

And therefore, when a cool breeze ran through the town,
She felt it soothe her beautiful, whole skin
and enjoyed the way it ran through her hair.

When the sun began to peek through the cold dawn,
She enjoyed the way it warmed up her arms
And gleamed off her face.

And when it rained?
When a fresh shower broke away a harsh summer?
She had no flames she feared extinguishing
She possessed the privilege of running outside
And getting soaked in the rain
Feeling it run down her face and hair and arms and legs
Only to come back inside hours later
And numb the chill with warm sweaters and hot chocolate.

Common Girl had privileges stargirl now yearned for.
Common Girl was radiant- but not blindingly so.
Therefore, she was so vividly aware
Of every beautiful thing she chanced upon
In her wonderfully ordinary, un-lonely world.
And Common Girl did not desire greatness
Or expect it of the world around her.
She had the ability to truly love the world she lived in
Simply. Because.

And most alluringly of all,
Common Girl did in fact, have her own set of stars.

The air around her seemed to sparkle from her presence
As though her thoughtfulness and compassion were radiant.
If you had the honor of talking to her for even a second
You would describe her eyes as the starriest you’ve seen
There was a warm glow to her beautiful soul
Like gentle sunrays on a cold, dry dawn.

Common Girl was no novelty
But she was happy.
And that was far, far more than anything stargirl could say.

And so, the decision was made.

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Stargirl no longer burns for planets light years away to offer their praises.

However, you must understand
It isn’t quite as simple
As simply switching from stargirl to Common Girl.
After all, they’re fundamentally different.

Stargirl is no longer an exhibitionary role model
Nor is she every girl you know
She is presently something
that would scare the shine out of the old her-
She doesn’t know what she is.

The world is uncertain
And her desires are ever changing
But hey.
Her bones are growing back
She’s forming new skin.
Her lungs are clearing out
Her heart beats more steadily now
And her world is no longer an empty void.
Its overflowing with company.
There is sunlight and breeze
That she feels deep in her heart
That clears her over-worked mind
with every passing day.

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Stargirl doesn’t know who she is yet.
She may never know.
All she knows for certain is this:

She still longs to shine
Just never at the expense of herself
And her fulfilment.

She is neither the aspiration, nor the aspirant.
Neither leader, nor follower.
She’s one in a crowd of billions
And that’s undoubtedly for the best.
Because for the first time,
She’s off her high pedestal.
In a crowd, she’s got tons of company.
Thousands of people with stars of their own
And something even better to offer her-
Hearts.
Feelings.
Sadness and joy.
Fear and faith.
So, so much love. A very healing amount of love
Transcendental.
Almost radiant.

Stargirl has almost nothing figured out now.
She promises to let you know when she learns something, though.
Because if you’re anything like the old stargirl,
She feels for you.
She remembers what it was like
And she knows you’ll need a hug or two.

She wants you to know
Everything will always be okay.